Why We Are So Tired, and How to Get our Energy Back

Today I want to talk about getting your energy back. 

Working in Silicon Valley, Marin County and bustling cities in California and around the world, I’ve found that kids, adults, parents, executives often tell me about how exhausted they are. 

When I ask how they are doing or feeling, their true response is almost always the same, “I’m tired.” 

Exhaustion has literally become a part of many people’s self-description. 

Day in and day out, people are lugging around their tiredness, but where does this exhaustion come from? 

Are we all just not getting enough sleep? Maybe. 

Is the pace at which we live having an effect on our energy? What about our environment? Probably. 

But I believe, more than that, we are exhausting ourselves by the constant beating and scrutiny we put ourselves under. This “constant talking”, also once known as negative self-talk or chatter, takes its toll on our emotional, physical, financial, and spiritual life when we are unable, or unwilling, to work with or beyond it.  

Negative Self Talk is Exhausting

Have you ever thought about how much time we actually spend mentally beating ourselves up throughout the day? 

Most of us have a conscious and unconscious dialogue going on most of the time in the back of our minds, telling us that we messed up, that we could have done better, that we aren’t doing enough, that we are not enough, that we should do more, be more, have more, and work harder. 

We often have some part of us always saying on some level, that we are just not that great, and that we shouldn’t feel great until we do, have, or are all those things that we are yelling at ourselves about. 

Imagine how much energy this takes! 

Some people are more susceptible to this kind of thinking than others, but I believe this internal dialogue happens in just about every person that walks this planet. Even if we think that we don’t talk this way to ourselves, there is usually a layer of it still happening in our mind. 

We all have doubts, we all have insecurities, we all have anxieties and we are almost always our own toughest critics. Therefore, we are all, in some way or another, spending energy by allowing negative thoughts to permeate our minds. 

Let’s look at a common example of the negative self-speak that occurs with many successful people at the top of their industries. Hedge fund managers, surgeons, judges, attorneys, CEOs, ministers, priests, etc., no matter how accomplished and successful they are at their job or craft, in the back of their minds, some part of them is commonly concerned that they are not really as good at their job as other people think. 

While on the surface, these men and women look and feel successful, most of them have a layer of anxious thoughts that they really don’t know what they’re doing, and that they might eventually be found out. 

In my experience, I have found that many of them are plagued by the same negative self talk that you and I experience every day. They are thinking at times, “if only people really knew how how much worry or fear I had about that (insert whatever you are worried about).” Imagine how this kind of thinking effects their daily visceral experience and perhaps the trajectory of their career and life.  

Yes, it could make people very conscientious and work harder to be on top of their game, but the stress of always feeling like they are not measuring up, that they are not what others think they are, that they in some ways are covering up what are often “imagined inadequacies,” and that they might eventually be found out, creates high stress, chronic anxiety, and eventual exhaustion. All of which was false thinking or negative self-talk to start with.

Recognizing Chronic Negative Self Talk is the First Step in Addressing it

Now, I think we can all recognize that living in a perpetual state of negativity or self-doubt is not a great way to get your energy back, but, recognizing that you are living this way is the first step. 

You see, we think we are tired because of life around us, our spouses, partners, family, children, teenagers, work, schedules, money, health, aging, society, etc.  All these things can certainly have an impact on our energy; but how we talk to ourselves about everything we experience is powerful.

Think about it this way:

Imagine two athletes, who are at the exact same fitness level run a race. The first athlete is focused, confident and excited to run, telling themselves and believing that they are ready to race and that it is going to be the best race of their lives. The other athlete is nervous, full of self-doubt and thinking about the million-and-one things they could have done to prepare better for the race.

Who do you think is going to win? And who do you think will have the best emotional experience of the race?

Studies show that the best athletes employ a positive state of mind or self-talk before, during, and after they compete which helps them overcome even the most painful and difficult obstacles. 

Now, you may not be a runner, but you encounter obstacles every single day and your deep mental response to those obstacles can be the difference between overcoming them, or allowing them to overcome you.  

There is a way to let the negative chatter be there like a radio, streaming almost inaudibly in the background, while allowing you to connect with a much stronger, calmer, more confident, quiet place within ourselves. 

It’s like sitting in the most peaceful, yet passionate supported place that you can imagine while ignoring the negative chatter that so easily penetrates your mind.

In 25 years of working with people, I’ve learned that the mind, with focused and consistent work, can grow stronger and more resilient and learn to over-ride the negative self-talk that is constantly knocking at the door. 

Our minds need exercises to help us combat negative self-talk. Here is a simple, quick way to help you to combat negative self-talk. I’ve used it with CEO’s, parents, surgeons, psychologists, teachers, teens, young children and thousands of other individuals and the results have been life-changing.

So if you want to start combatting the negative self talk that occurs in your own mind: 

Here’s a great way to start:

A Simple Exercise In Combating Negative Self-Talk

To start, imagine an amazing person: a parent, a coach, a teacher, a creator of nature, a supernatural being, whoever comes to mind. It cannot be someone that you actually know or have met, it must be an imagined person or being.

Now imagine that this amazing person loves you in the purest way. They know everything about you--all the things that you love and judge about yourself, all the great and not so great things that you have done and will do. They know your greatest gifts and skills, and they know where you lack. They know your pure, best, innermost being and your worst thoughts, feelings and behaviors. 

But the key is that, in knowing ALL of you, they LOVE YOU. They love you deeply, purely, unconditionally, they love the whole entirety of you no matter what. They understand all the depth of why you do what you do, why you feel what you feel.

Can you imagine that? 

This is the part that you must focus on. They really really love all of you and they know for 100% sure that you are good at your purest core. They hold this premise for you in all conversations they have with you, and all times.

Now imagine basking and soaking in what it would feel like to be loved in this way. Really take it in. 

Even if your mind is too sophisticated for this sort of seemingly ridiculous exercise, try it. Remember, this exercise is not about what is true or not, researched or not, it is about what works.

Now, envision that they are walking at your side 24/7 and they are always holding that truth. You come to them with your worries of the day, your thoughts, your stress, your guilt, where you feel badly about yourself, where you feel that you are not measuring up, where you have imaginary fears. You come to them with a whole host of life’s various array of issues. 

What would it feel like to be around them? How would your body feel when you are in their presence sharing life’s ups and downs with them? What do they say to you? How would they feel toward you? How do they look at you? What expression is on their face as they see your perfect goodness and beauty both inside and out ?  

Remember they are there solely for you. They can see, hear and feel who you truly are. They know where you came from and where you are going and they love you.

If you feel drawn to, spend some time going through this little vignette. See them talking with you, hear the conversations, feel the feelings, notice what is happening inside you while in their presence. 

You see, getting your energy back is about remembering that we are pure, good, and whole at the core, no matter our outer past and present actions and limitations.

It’s about not only changing how we speak to ourselves in our minds, but even more powerful, how we feel about ourselves at a much deeper level even beyond our self talk.

We may have all kinds of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. However, we are NOT our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. 

We are who we started out as. We are who we came here as, when we “arrived” here on earth. 

Whatever coping style, personality, feeling, or behavior that we picked up here on earth is not necessarily representative of who we are. When we remember and feel who we are at the core, we open to feeling good about ourselves, and we immediately have more energy. 

The more energy we free up by connecting with our true self, the more energy we can continue to free up. This practice can become a way of life and gives us a choice. We get to decide to feel alive, full of life, and full of energy.